Lavonda Handy, LMFT

From early on, I noticed how often people missed each other. Not because they didn’t care — but because they were protecting, performing, surviving, or simply moving too fast to slow down and feel what was happening underneath. I see this most often in the high-functioning women and high-conflict couples who find their way to me.

If you’re a high-capacity woman, you likely work hard. You’re ambitious. You carry a lot well. From the outside, you may look settled and successful. But internally, it can feel hard to exhale, hard to be present, hard to appreciate what you’ve built without immediately scanning for what needs improvement. You may hold yourself to high standards, feel responsible for everyone else’s emotional experience, and struggle to simply believe you are doing enough. I understand that woman. I often think about her when I work.

Together, we slow things down. We explore how your attachment history, cultural context, family system, and lived experiences have shaped the way you show up — in relationships and with yourself. We untangle patterns that once protected you but now leave you restless, overextended, or disconnected. My work is trauma-informed, culturally attuned, and grounded in systemic and attachment-based therapy. You are never treated as a set of symptoms — you are understood within the full context of your story.

With couples, I often meet partners who are stuck in cycles of attack and defense. The arguments may look loud or quiet, but underneath there is usually hurt, fear, and a longing to feel chosen and understood. Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), I help couples identify the negative patterns driving the conflict and learn how to access and express vulnerability before reacting. We practice reading one another — and yourselves — from the inside out. When the cycle softens, connection becomes possible again.

As a therapist who works closely with BIPOC individuals and couples, I deeply respect the broader systems that shape our relationships — culture, race, family expectations, and generational messages about strength and survival. Trauma is not always a singular event; sometimes it is the accumulation of pressure, instability, invisibility, or having to be strong for too long.

You do not have to keep performing stability while feeling unsettled inside. My work is about helping you feel internally steady — not just externally accomplished — about breaking cycles with intention and creating relationships where vulnerability feels safe. If you’re ready to move differently, I’m here to walk with you.